Some relationships look perfect from the outside, but all couples fight from time to time. In healthy relationships, couples understand the importance of making up in a responsible, loving way. They put aside differences quickly, working things out without saying or doing anything that damages their bond. Would you like to do the same?
1. Uncover What Really Caused the Fight.
Relationship counselors suggest that most arguments are not what they seem.
When a discussion about finances leads to a fight, couples blame different views on spending. That’s the obvious surface problem, but the larger problem remains hidden until you seek it out.
Anytime you have a bad argument, consider the emotions fueling the hot tempers.
They may not seem obvious at first, so pause and think things through. Ask yourself what exactly you feel and why.
What subconscious thoughts hang out in the back of your (and your partner’s) mind?
Here are a few emotions and thoughts that lurk in the background, causing bad fights between couples:
- Insecurity and Fear. Example thought: “If we don’t save enough money, we could become homeless. That scares me.”
- Feeling unappreciated. Example thought: “I feel unloved and unappreciated when she doesn’t mention my efforts. That hurts.”
- Abandonment Issues. Example thought: “When he doesn’t return my calls, I worry that he no longer wants me. I need to feel wanted.”
- Feelings of inadequacy. Example thought: “When we disagree about the kids, I feel like a bad parent. Maybe I’m really not good enough.”
2. Learn How to Express Your Feelings.
Communication is mandatory for a healthy relationship, but it does not come naturally to everyone.
If you often withhold emotions, it’s time to practice expressing your feelings. This is one surefire way to help you make up after a fight.
Instead of accusing or insulting your partner, express how you feel about the issue.
For instance, if you’re upset about a lack of quality time together, try a statement such as, “I feel unloved and unwanted when we spend less than 1 day per week alone together.” This declaration of emotions works much better than, “You work too much and you never spend time with me.”
3. End the Fight With an Apology.
Making up after a fight generally requires apologizing, sometimes even when you don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong.
Find a way to take some responsibility and apologize for your part in the fight.
At the very least, you can apologize that your partner feels angry, sad, hurt, or whatever. Offering an apology helps both people to cool down, so you’ll likely find that you get an apology in return.
4. Just Let It Go.
Sometimes an argument continues only because both people invest in winning. This is totally unproductive.
At some point, you need to ask yourself if the relationship is more or less important than being right. For a relatively minor issue, it’s perfectly okay to just stop the discussion.
You both can agree to disagree, realizing that nobody wins when you’re fighting rather than loving each other. If the argument is bigger than the issue itself, just let it go.
5. Focus on the Good Stuff
Feed joy into your relationship by focusing mostly on your partner’s good traits, actions, and words.
Since this leaves both people feeling positive, loved, and appreciated, it will get you much further than criticism.
When you’re thinking of saying something negative, first consider all the positives and ask yourself if it’s really worth it to criticize your partner for leaving dirty socks on the floor or showing up late for your date.
Making up after a fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t have to feel like pulling teeth.
It won’t always happen easily, but you’ll come through it unscathed by remembering some of the tips above. No matter how upset you feel, remember your goal: A happy, healthy relationship. Makeup, don’t break up.
by Charly Joyhttp://ezinearticles.com/expert/Charly_Joy/365015