Why am I always afraid that my partner will leave me!
There may come a time in your relationship when you suffer more than you enjoy.
This may be because you live with constant emotional ups and downs caused by the anguish that just thinking that this relationship may come to an end.
So, you stop living calmly because you are aware all the time of what your partner says and does.
If you are always afraid that your partner will leave you, what happens is that you have developed an emotional attachment or dependence towards that person.
In this article, we will analyze in more depth about ” Why am I afraid that my partner will leave me “. Read on and discover the most common causes.
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Where does the fear of abandonment come from
Why are some people so afraid of abandonment? Where do these fears come from?
The attachment or emotional dependency is an obsessive link established with certain ideas, activities, thoughts, objects, and in this case with others.
A person with a strong emotional dependence has the belief that the bond he maintains with another gives him the security and happiness he needs.
There are people who are more likely to generate emotional dependence due to their family history and certain personality traits.
The society also exerts a great influence so that people more easily develop a dependence on others.
A dependency relationship is based on need and not preference. Needing is not the same as preferring, because when you need what moves you is lack.
Below we will briefly explain some of the main factors that influence people to fear that their partner leaves them.
Society, in general, has been instilling in us a rather idealistic conception of what love is.
As people grow up with the belief that love has to be unconditional, perfect, self-sacrificing, that it has to last us for a lifetime, we believe that to be happy we have to find our “better half”.
When we have this mentality deeply ingrained, we tend to cling more to the idea that to be happy we need to have someone by our side and that when we have everything it has to be rosy, which can cause us a lot of unnecessary suffering.
They don’t really teach us what an earthly relationship is. Which has nothing to do with perfect love, in which love towards a person does not necessarily have to last for a lifetime and in which we can be happy even after the relationship has ended?
It has been shown that the relationship that was had with parents at an early age can have repercussions when we establish an adult relationship.
If you had unpredictable and contradictory parents as a child (one day they expressed affection and another not), it is more likely that when you establish an adult relationship, you will carry insecurities, jealousy, obsessions and dependence on your partner.
It is important to take into account that parents are the children’s role models and when one or both parents have an emotional dependence on their partner, the chances increase for the child to also establish dependent relationships.
How much do you love yourself?
People who have low self-esteem and therefore have little love and respect for themselves, tend to fall more easily into a situation of attachment and dependence.
When you don’t have enough self-love, personal interests are put aside and other people’s interests are given greater importance. The person feels unable to cope on his own and feels that he is incomplete.
On the contrary, a person who feels love for herself is an independent person who establishes calmer relationships in which her dignity and personal value are not compromised.
Who knows that happiness is in herself and does not need anyone to be calm.
In this other article, we tell you “How to Keep a Man Interested in You! Become the Woman Every Man Cherishes All the Time”
Why am I always afraid that my partner will leave me – Where does the fear of abandonment come from
How to know if I am dependent on my partner
On many occasions, we can have doubts about the extent to which we can be considered to have a healthy dependence, so to speak, towards our partner and when it has become a harmful emotional dependency or attachment.
It is perfectly normal that we want to spend a lot of time with the partner, especially at the beginning of the relationship, because we are barely getting to know each other and other important factors such as falling in love are involved.
However, when that stage has already been passed and the relationship is more consolidated, it is time to return to “normal life” and, apart from spending time with the couple, it must also be dedicated to family, friends, hobbies and personal goals.
These are some signs that will let you know if you have developed a dependency relationship towards your partner. All you have to do is identify yourself with one to confirm it.
- You put aside the people and things that matter to you and dedicate your time exclusively to your partner.
- You focus only on the goals that both have in common and you forget about yours
- You spend most of your time looking out for that person
- Your emotional state depends on that person
- Your happiness depends on your relationship
- You have the feeling that you feel protected by your partner. Without her, by your side, you feel insecure
You think it is essential for your life
- You suffer more than you enjoy the relationship due to the emotional ups and downs caused by the constant fear of abandonment
- You constantly ask yourself: why am I always afraid that my partner will leave ME
6 keys to overcoming the fear of my partner leaving me
Remember your personal goals and objectives
Remember that probably before meeting your partner or generating this dependency bond, you had your own personal goals.
Think about what they were, review them and visualize yourself achieving them every day so that you begin to regain that motivation that you have lost and give you the push to get back on track towards them.
Focus on you
Putting the focus on oneself and our well-being does not mean that one is selfish. You are probably giving your partner more priority at the moment than yourself and this does not have to be the case.
Remember that in order for you to have a healthy relationship, both of you have to feel self-fulfilled and at ease with yourself because if only one is, in the short or long term there will start to be conflicts.
Reinforce your self-love
Remember that in order to give love to others, you must first love yourself since you cannot offer something you do not have.
If you have self-esteem problems and you don’t feel enough love for yourself, it’s time that you start working on yourself to increase it.
If you think that you have tried in many ways and you still cannot love and accept yourself, it is recommended that you attend with a professional, who will help you increase it and you can love and respect yourself as it should be.
Connect with more people
For any relationship, it is detrimental for one or both parties to isolate themselves from everyone else, this, in the long run, can bring many problems, not only for the relationship but also individually.
It is essential to stay in contact with other people, such as friends, family, schoolmates, work, etc. as well as expanding our social circle.
All the affective relationships that we generate throughout life are valuable and not only that of a couple.
Do activities that you like
Take advantage of your free time to go do those activities that you like so much and that you enjoy individually or that you can do with other people.
If you haven’t yet found those activities that you are so passionate about, start by trying different things to find them.
This will help you to further strengthen your self-esteem, to distract yourself and to realize that not only can you have a good time with your partner and that you can also do things that motivate you, inspire you and with which you feel totally comfortable and happy.
The regular practice of meditation has many benefits. Among them, it helps us focus our attention to the present moment and regulate our emotions. How can this benefit us?
When we find ourselves sad, sensitive, afraid that the partner will leave us, we begin to generate thoughts about the future such as: “this relationship can end at any moment”, “if my partner leaves me I will feel terrible”, “I will not be able to live without him or without her”, and so on. which causes us more anguish and suffering.
Meditation helps us change our perspective on these thoughts. It calms our mind by focusing on the present moment, it helps us realize that truly in the here and now nothing is happening and that we can enjoy what we are living in these moments.
In this other article, we discover meditation techniques for beginners.
Why I’m always afraid that my partner will leave me – 6 keys to overcome the fear that my partner will leave me.
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