5 Steps for Telling Your Spouse You Want to separate

On many occasions, one of the most difficult aspects when deciding to end a relationship is precisely doing so.

Especially when, for one or more personal reasons, you no longer want to be with the partner you probably thought you could be with for a lifetime.

It is not only a complicated situation for the person who is going to be left, but also for the person who has decided to end, who is the one who has to think about how to communicate it.

Steps for Telling Your Spouse You Want to separate

In most cases, the aim is to finish in the healthiest and friendliest way possible.

That is why when we tell our partner that we want to separate, we must take certain measures to do so in the most appropriate way and learn to convey the message clearly and sincerely.

In this article: how to tell my partner that I want to separate, we are going to provide you with a series of tips and considerations that you should take into account when communicating to your partner that you want to separate and teach you the most appropriate way to do so.

What to do if I want to separate and I don’t know where to start

Before telling your partner that you want to separate, you must take into account the following issues:

Don’t make decisions impulsively

It should be borne in mind that to make decisions, especially when they are important, should not be done when we are too happy or too angry.


Because when we get carried away by intense emotions that go away as they come, it is more likely that the decisions we make are not the correct ones or are not what we really want and that is in our best interest.

So if at this time you find yourself angry with your partner, it is recommended that you wait until you find yourself calmer so that you can think more clearly and realize if it is what you really want.

Don’t wait for the “perfect moment” to arrive

Keep in mind that to tell your partner that you want to separate, the safest thing is that no moment is “perfect“. Once you have made the decision and previously reflected on it, reaching the conclusion that it is the best for you, you have to take action and let the other person know.

Procrastination will only make things worse, as the other will continue to believe that the relationship is going smoothly when it is not.

Also for the person who wants to separate is not healthy and it can even be sacrificed to continue with a person who is not loved.

Remember that one stage ends but another begins

If you are afraid of the uncertainty about what will come next, you are afraid of not making the right decision and/or you think that leaving that person can be very painful for you, you should know that this is not the end.

Sometimes, it is necessary to end relationships, since for one or several reasons these people are no longer compatible with us, although it may be that at some point they were.

It is normal that we feel sad for a while because that person was part of our life and our daily routine, because we feel affection towards them, among other things.

However, if you give yourself permission to feel this way and deal with it, after a while you will be able to get over it (even though now you feel like you never can).

In the following article, we will guide you about Emotional attachment in the couple: how to overcome it.

Don’t feel guilty

If you have decided to end your relationship, don’t fall into the trap of feeling guilty for doing so.

Remember that the reasons you have are valid enough since it is about your well-being and to be well with a person you must first be well with yourself.

Therefore, it is better to break up with him/her and stop continuing to deceive yourself and another person.

How to tell my partner that I want to separate – What to do if I want to separate and I don’t know where to start

Tips for telling your partner that you want to separate

Some tips that can help you communicate to your partner that you want to separate are the following:

Plan the place and time in which you will give the news

You should think about the most appropriate place and time to talk to him/her.

If there is no type of violence and/or aggressiveness in the couple and this is a person with whom you can dialogue in a peaceful and respectful way, you should choose a place where they can be alone.

Try that in the time in which you let them know, there will be no interruptions and that third parties are not present so they can speak privately.

Keep a sincere and firm attitude

When you talk with him/her, do it with confidence and without hesitation, because if you have made that decision it is because you are convinced that it is the best for you, even if you may make a mistake later, at this moment for you the best is that.

If your partner notices that you are insecure and he or she wants to continue the relationship, it may end up convincing you otherwise, that you regret it and continue in a relationship in which you really do not want to be.

On the other hand, you also have to speak with sincerity to that person, that he or she notices that the reasons you are giving to end the relationship are real and that for you they are enough to end the relationship.

You must show him that you are acting in accordance with what you feel. You can look her in the eye when you are communicating it to her, speak calmly, safely and with the total conviction of what you want.

Show empathy towards the other person

On many occasions, news like that and more when the couple does not expect it can cause a lot of impact and pain to the person who is left.

It is not about being cold and distant with the other, you must show respect and understanding towards the person, letting them know how much we feel (if it is) that the situation has had to happen like this.

However, you should not fall into blackmail (if it exists) or let yourself be carried away by the other person’s pain and change your mind so as not to “make them feel bad.”

Active listening

Apart from talking and exposing what you think and feel to your partner, you should also listen carefully to her, since on many occasions what she is going to tell us is taken for granted, rather than listening, we only hear and that is very different.

When you listen carefully, you can really understand the other person and that is also noticed by the other person. So don’t take anything for granted and listen to what he has to say.

Do not comment with the hope

If you are sure of your decision, avoid making comments that would make your partner believe that you could change your mind later just by pretending not to hurt them.

Realize that you cause more damage when you give false hope than when you don’t.

How to tell my partner that I want to separate – Tips to tell your partner that you want to separate

Steps to tell your partner that you want to separate

If you do not know how to structure the message that you are going to transmit to your partner, you can base yourself on these 5 steps to do it:

  • State the facts:(1st Step)

Describe in detail and objectively what is happening.

For example: during the last months you have been coming home late and you do not call me to let me know, you go out more with your friends and other people than with me, you are always busy for me, etc.,

We have already talked about it before, you always tell me that things are going to change but so far it has not.

  • Present your story:(2nd Step)

Share your personal interpretation of the events. For example, all this has made me think that you don’t care as much as I do about this relationship and that you don’t like spending as much time with me as I do with you.

  • Show your feelings:(3rd Step)

Let him know how that situation makes you feel. For example, this situation has made me feel sad and lonely all this time. I do not feel valued and respected by you and I feel worse and worse being in this relationship.

  • Express your wishes and communicate your decision:(4th Step)

Let him know what you want in a friendly way and let him know your decision to finish.

For example, I would like to be in a relationship where I feel that both of you want to spend more time together, so I have made the decision to end this relationship.

  • Thank the other person:(5th Step)

This part is optional, however, it is recommended if we want to end as friendly as possible with the other person.

We have to thank him even for the time we have spent with him and / or for the experience he has left us.

How to tell my partner that I want to separate – Steps to tell your partner that you want to separate

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